Juicers and The Fat Girl's Guide to Life

So while browsing around the great little used bookshop in Mt. Airy, NC I saw a book, and for some reason the name of it just called out to me.

(That and the fact that it ranked well enough to be placed in the Odds & Ends section in said bookstore.)

I've read almost half of this book already and I just bought it after lunch today. I cried my way through the introduction. One line that really got to me was:

"This was a war of attrition; I simply decided I'd had enough. Enough looking in the mirror and cursing myself out before I'd even brushed my teeth."

This is something I struggle with daily. The cursing oneself out. I confided in my sister not even a week ago about what goes through my mind on a daily, hourly, and even some days minutely. Needless to say, she was appalled. My sister, who can be quite cruel to those who cross her the wrong way (blame it on our DNA) said to me, "I can't imagine saying the things you think about yourself to someone I hated. That is terrible and cruel. How could you think that about yourself? That just breaks my heart."

After thinking terrible things about myself for as long as I can remember, I have decided enough is enough. Yes, I'm going to read Crazy Sexy Diet when it gets here in the mail, but I'm not going to stress about the weight loss of it. I'm going to focus on just being healthy and being good to my body and I'm going to try to start being good to my soul as well.

It will definitely be a long journey. I will have to train myself to quit thinking about how disgusting I look, how I probably make other people sick to their stomachs just from looking at me. Quit calling myself a stupid f***ing cow (along with other worse terms). Just focus on the positive things about myself and quit standing on the scale and judging myself from the number on there.

Positives about myself:
I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa.
I was strong willed enough to go back to school.
I am good at writing (not great, but good).
I am a decent singer.
I am creative.
I can make some pretty funky jewelry.
I can also sew some pretty nifty lap quilts, aprons, purses, etc.
I am fairly decent at refurbing old furniture.
I am SMART damn it!
I can type like nobody's business (nearly 80 words a minute I thank you).
I can draw fairly decent floor plans.
I am not afraid to try to garden.
I've gotten better at Sudoku puzzles.
I am good at my job (I think. LOL)
At least I love my job.
When people need me, I know I will do my damnedest to be there for them.
I am a good person.

The only thing I'm honestly not good at is losing weight.

So I think the good outweighs the bad (ha ha pun wasn't intended, but now that I see it I'm leaving it for your cheesy humor enjoyment).

So with the juicer I ordered and the diet book I ordered I'm going to focus on being HEALTHY. NOT on losing weight. I'm also going to focus on loving me for who I am and not who I wish I was.