Saturday, June 25, 2011

Juicers and The Fat Girl's Guide to Life

So while browsing around the great little used bookshop in Mt. Airy, NC I saw a book, and for some reason the name of it just called out to me.

(That and the fact that it ranked well enough to be placed in the Odds & Ends section in said bookstore.)

The Fat Girl's Guide to Life

I've read almost half of this book already and I just bought it after lunch today. I cried my way through the introduction. One line that really got to me was:
"This was a war of attrition; I simply decided I'd had enough. Enough looking in the mirror and cursing myself out before I'd even brushed my teeth."
This is something I struggle with daily. The cursing oneself out. I confided in my sister not even a week ago about what goes through my mind on a daily, hourly, and even some days minutely. Needless to say, she was appalled. My sister, who can be quite cruel to those who cross her the wrong way (blame it on our DNA) said to me, "I can't imagine saying the things you think about yourself to someone I hated. That is terrible and cruel. How could you think that about yourself? That just breaks my heart."

After thinking terrible things about myself for as long as I can remember, I have decided enough is enough. Yes, I'm going to read Crazy Sexy Diet when it gets here in the mail, but I'm not going to stress about the weight loss of it. I'm going to focus on just being healthy and being good to my body and I'm going to try to start being good to my soul as well.

It will definitely be a long journey. I will have to train myself to quit thinking about how disgusting I look, how I probably make other people sick to their stomachs just from looking at me. Quit calling myself a stupid f***ing cow (along with other worse terms). Just focus on the positive things about myself and quit standing on the scale and judging myself from the number on there.

Positives about myself:
I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa.
I was strong willed enough to go back to school.
I am good at writing (not great, but good).
I am a decent singer.
I am creative.
I can make some pretty funky jewelry.
I can also sew some pretty nifty lap quilts, aprons, purses, etc.
I am fairly decent at refurbing old furniture.
I am SMART damn it!
I can type like nobody's business (nearly 80 words a minute I thank you).
I can draw fairly decent floor plans.
I am not afraid to try to garden.
I've gotten better at Sudoku puzzles.
I am good at my job (I think. LOL)
At least I love my job.
When people need me, I know I will do my damnedest to be there for them.
I am a good person.

The only thing I'm honestly not good at is losing weight.

So I think the good outweighs the bad (ha ha pun wasn't intended, but now that I see it I'm leaving it for your cheesy humor enjoyment).

So with the juicer I ordered and the diet book I ordered I'm going to focus on being HEALTHY. NOT on losing weight. I'm also going to focus on loving me for who I am and not who I wish I was.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Long Day

I apologize for being so sketchy in updating my blog. I'll try to be better about it. I need to start forcing myself to take time to write anyway and what better way that to start here?

I've been really exhausted lately, on top of finding out some "wonderful" news. So it is time for me to get my butt in gear and start changing of a few things.

But first the not so wonderful news:

July 4, 2008 I sprained my ankle really bad:

Well, said ankle has always bothered me since then, never really looked like it used to. Two weeks ago it just got unbearable. Mom and I were at the mall and I thought I was going to sit down and start crying right there. I managed to tough it out and scheduled a Dr.'s appointment about four days later (when I realized this time it wasn't going to start feeling better on its own).

Apparently, when I sprained my ankle three years ago I tore at least 2 (probably 3 hard to tell without the MRI) ligaments completely apart on the left side of my ankle. Now I'm in an air cast until I can afford to have surgery (only way to fix this). The air cast makes my ankle feel a lot better, but in about a year (or more depending) I will have to have surgery. This in and of itself terrifies me.

On top of all this, I've been sleeping through my alarm, every morning for the past two weeks. I've been getting more sleep, then tried less sleep, tried coffee, vitamins, energy drinks, exercising, etc. nothing is helping. So I'm thinking I need to just do an entire diet overhaul. I've been reading a lot of people really bragging on this book called Crazy Sexy Diet so I'm going to give it a go. Book has been ordered and will be in my possession soon. I will do my darnedest to keep you updated on how this works and if it helps my fatigue (if anyone has hung around this long to read my musings). I suppose if it doesn't then I need to schedule another Dr. visit (blech!)

Wish me luck and all of that! Hope you all are having a better summer than I am thus far.

Crazy Sexy Diet: Eat Your Veggies, Ignite Your Spark, and Live Like You Mean It!