Moved to a New Site

I no longer write here, in case you hadn't noticed. I can now be found at:

CrystalRaen.com

Gonna Ramble

Since this is Crystal Raen's Ramblings, Crystal Raen is gonna ramble. Just mindless drivel so feel free to not read or read, whateva is your preference.

Sometimes I seriously wonder if everything you do in life, every decision, is the wrong one to do, the wrong one to make.

I see my future as it is going to be. I feel dissatisfied.

I envision my future how I would want it be. But see no viable paths to reach that point.

So much has passed me by without me realizing it.

I'm not young any longer. Though I truly want to believe that I am, and that I still have every option available to me that I once had. I am told that I do not.

I want to be sure that I'm not making the same mistakes twice.

But my gut is telling me that I am.

What if I am?

I envision my future as a repeat of the past.

This thought breaks me. It breaks me into pieces.

Push, pull, sigh, cry, scream, laugh.

These are all me. Right now.

Where to go, what to do, how to get there.

No matter what path I take, someone will hurt, a heart will break in some corner.

Will it be yours, or will it be my own.

How do I choose between myself and between you?

Awesome Canning Website

Sorry to have been missing for so long, but I just wanted to stop by and tell you about this neat website that I found:

Canning Information Warehouse

I wanted to be sure to have this website bookmarked somewhere. I am planning on having a garden and preserving my own food once Richie and I get married and have our own little place with a nice little spot for me to grow my own tomatoes, green beans, peppers, onions, garlic, cabbage, lettuce, corn, well you get the idea LOL.

I can't wait to be canning my own salsa and tomato sauce. Yumm, maybe I can even make some spaghetti sauce to can.

So some of you may think that I am crazy for wanting to take all of this on, however, I am very optimistic that this will help my health and will help my future children have an appreciation for food and a knowledge of how foods can affect your body. Too many foods (even health foods) in the supermarkets are laden with chemicals, preservatives, and other non-natural things that have been proven to cause cancer, obesity, addiction, and other health problems.

So here's to the urban movement of urban homesteading and to the canvolution. I want to be a part of this major shift in food awareness!!!

Troubled Mind

Lately I've been wishing I could talk to someone. A counselor perhaps. Things have just been crazy and I'm feeling crazier by the millisecond. At the moment so many things are uncertain. I wish that I wasn't in a position where what I'm doing and where I live wasn't at the whim of other people.

I worry about trying to move in the middle of a school semester if things get that bad. I worry about money issues and how to save for Richie and I's future. With my car falling apart every time I turn around and the amount of gas it takes to get to school and back 3 times a week, I can't afford the minimal things, let alone am able to save money.

And I'm so very worried about someone in my family. She is in a bad place, but won't leave it, no matter how many options she has, she would rather stay in a position where her life revolves around someone who is obviously an abuser of sorts, not sure if there is any physical abusing (fairly certain, but no concrete proof) but there is definitely mental abuse going on. I cried myself nearly sick over it last night. And today, I can hardly focus my mind is so intent on being worried over her.

But like everyone says, until she is willing to admit that there is a problem and ask for help, what can I really do?

Woman Blessed. Woman Empowered.

This is me. This is who I am. No man can change the core of me. Regardless of my weight or my age, my passions lie where they belong, my heart beats on through trials and through triumphs, my soul sings my song and no other.

Some may say what I've been through is trivial and others believe I've been to hell and back. Regardless, my life has finally led me to a place where I feel that I have the potential to finally be comfortable in my own skin. I'm not completely there yet, but I am close. Finally I am on the path to being me, not who others want me to be.

My life has changed so much. I am facing new challenges. Good ones this time. I am going to complete college, I am volunteering with my community. I am going to join a committee within the Carroll County Chamber of Commerce, and I am working at a job that I really love. The man I am with is real man, someone who genuinely values me as I am. He is willing to work hard so we can accomplish our dreams of a home, marriage, and a family of our own. He is also willing to let me help him work towards our goals.


Richie has helped me in so many ways, if not for him I am not sure that I would have went back to college; which itself has led to so many rewarding things already.


Because of an interview for one of my classes, I was offered a job to start working at Red Hill General Store again, which led me to start getting my hair cut just down the road, where I met Haley and I am now helping her with the Women's Business Expo. Red Hill has also gotten me involved with the Chamber of Commerce. College has led me to be a member of Phi Theta Kappa, where the volunteer requirements led me to Chestnut Creek School of Arts, which is an awesome place in and of itself.


All of this resulting from the encouragement of one man who believed in me.


My family has also been an enormous blessing n giving me the continual encouragement to stay on this path when I have days that I feel I am unable to accomplish these big tasks in my life. They have more love and respect from me than they could ever know.


I know that from time to time I can get down on myself. But I feel that to a certain point that this is only natural. But when I take a moment and truly think about my life, I am floored at how blessed I really am. I only wish everyone could experience this feeling of accomplishment and life potential.


I am a woman blessed. Blessed by my family, my fiance, and the discovery of my own inner strength.

Ugh, I keep being MIA

Sorry that I don't keep up with blogging like I used to with my other blog. Life seems to keep getting in the way. (That and the fact that I still don't have the internet in my apt. Grrrr!)

But despite that fact, I have some neat news to share with you! The store I work with, Red Hill General Store, owns a website (one of many) called Pressure Cooker Outlet, where we sell pressure cookers, pressure canners, and other kitchen sundries. (Of course!)

Well, we have been working on a little something with Pressure Cooker Outlet, and have finally released it for the public, and that is our Pressure Cooker Outlet Affiliate Program. Seriously go check out that link! We are offering 10% of the sales made through our affiliates' links to the affiliate in question. Want to know more? Go to: http://www.pressurecooker-outlet.com/aff/affiliate/index.php

Stealing Ideas - Mosaic Medley

Came across a neat blog by PioneerCynthia called Visual Descriptionary and I'm so snagging her idea, but first for the rules:

1. At the end of this post is a list of questions. Type your answer to each of these in Flickr Search.
2. From the results, using the first page only, choose an image.
3. Copy+Paste the URLs of the chosen images in FD’s Mosaic Maker.
4. Insert the resulting Mosaic in your blog post.
5. Drop a link to it in the comments to this post.

Here is my mosaic and the questions follow:

Here are the questions:
1. What is your first name? Crystal
2. What is your favorite food? Right now? Veggie Pizza
3. What high school did you go to? Carroll County High School
4. What is your favorite color? Pink
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Chris Hemsworth
6. Favorite drink? Dark Chocolate Almond Milk
7. Dream vacation? Tropical Cruise
8. Favorite dessert? Dark Chocolate
9. What do you want to be when you grow up? a famous writer
10. What do you love most in life? being creative
11. One Word to describe you. Jack of all trades

Links to Answer Photos:
1. * * * * * * * * Crystal Ball * * * * * * * *, 2. Veggie Pizza, 3. Boys' High School, 4. pink gadgets, 5. chris hemsworth, 6. Dark Chocolate Almond Milk, 7. Pedro Garcia - Tropical Cruise, 8. kshocolat Dark Chocolate Bar, 9. 20090208-142931-1829_sRGB, 10. the art of getting by., 11. Jack of all trade...master of none..12. Not available

Crazy, Sexy, Diet Update

Well on the Crazy, Sexy, Diet you are supposed to start with a 21 day cleanse, but I decided to ease myself in so that I will actually stick to it. (Well my version of easing myself in anyway, ha ha)

Thus far in a little over a week I've lost 7 lbs. SERIOUSLY.

Here's what I've done so far:

No soda, nada, zip, zilch.
No coffee.
No dairy or meat products period. (except for my 1 cheat meal a week.)
Lots and lots of fresh fruits & veggies.
Some cooked beans.
Lots and lots of water and warm tea.
Organic almond butter on a square of organic dark chocolate when my sweet tooth hits.
Dried veggies to replace my salty potato chip cravings.
And Dark Chocolate Almond milk just for being good.
I also found some gluten free organic vegan cereal to replace my cereal addiction.

Plus one day a week I can have any meal I want (just stop eating when I'm full.) I know me, and I know that if I don't do that then I won't stick with the CSD. I'm hoping I can slowly make my 1 cheat meal every week and a half, then every 2 weeks and stretch it out to where it is a rare occasion. But I want to do this in a way that it doesn't seem impossible to stick with and for right now, that is what is working for me.

I seriously recommend this book to anyone who is needing something to change in their life. I have felt so good this past week and even have felt "lighter" (don't know how else to explain this feeling) I have been quite tired, probably just from adjusting to the no caffeine thing, I was highly dependent upon it for a long long time. But if you are on CSD and have any tips or just want to share your story please leave a comment! Also, if you are interested in trying it out here's a link to the book:



I'm hoping to feel up to the 21 day cleanse by the beginning of August (need to get that done before school starts back.)

Crazy, Sexy, Diet

Finally got my book in the mail! (Thanks Babe!)

I've almost finished reading it and just wow. Everything in this book makes perfect sense. So now it is time to get my butt in gear. Okay, well not now, but as soon as I get some grocery money.

When I was on the Gallbladder Cleanse Diet, I felt so much better, and I lost so much weight. And well, that diet wasn't meant to be permanent. So after I fell back to my old ways of eating, I started feeling sluggish again, and here lately I've been starting to get painful twinges in the area of said gallbladder. So I went on a search for a diet that was similar to the GCD, but written in a way that it would be easier to take with me into my daily life. I am so excited to get started on this path and to start feeling healthy and more like myself again. It will be tough. No doubt about that. But I have a feeling that it will be totally worth it in the end.

I've ordered my juicer, now I've just got to save up for a few other items that I'll need on this new quest. (If anyone has any suggestions as to good brands, etc on these items PLEASE let me know!!!):

Food Processor
Coffee Grinder
Food Dehydrator
Salad Spinner
Strainer
Mason Jars w/Lids

I've also purchased 2 more books to help me on this journey:
















I also want to get:















Wish me luck on this endeavor to get my life, energy, and health back.

Juicers and The Fat Girl's Guide to Life

So while browsing around the great little used bookshop in Mt. Airy, NC I saw a book, and for some reason the name of it just called out to me.

(That and the fact that it ranked well enough to be placed in the Odds & Ends section in said bookstore.)

I've read almost half of this book already and I just bought it after lunch today. I cried my way through the introduction. One line that really got to me was:

"This was a war of attrition; I simply decided I'd had enough. Enough looking in the mirror and cursing myself out before I'd even brushed my teeth."

This is something I struggle with daily. The cursing oneself out. I confided in my sister not even a week ago about what goes through my mind on a daily, hourly, and even some days minutely. Needless to say, she was appalled. My sister, who can be quite cruel to those who cross her the wrong way (blame it on our DNA) said to me, "I can't imagine saying the things you think about yourself to someone I hated. That is terrible and cruel. How could you think that about yourself? That just breaks my heart."

After thinking terrible things about myself for as long as I can remember, I have decided enough is enough. Yes, I'm going to read Crazy Sexy Diet when it gets here in the mail, but I'm not going to stress about the weight loss of it. I'm going to focus on just being healthy and being good to my body and I'm going to try to start being good to my soul as well.

It will definitely be a long journey. I will have to train myself to quit thinking about how disgusting I look, how I probably make other people sick to their stomachs just from looking at me. Quit calling myself a stupid f***ing cow (along with other worse terms). Just focus on the positive things about myself and quit standing on the scale and judging myself from the number on there.

Positives about myself:
I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa.
I was strong willed enough to go back to school.
I am good at writing (not great, but good).
I am a decent singer.
I am creative.
I can make some pretty funky jewelry.
I can also sew some pretty nifty lap quilts, aprons, purses, etc.
I am fairly decent at refurbing old furniture.
I am SMART damn it!
I can type like nobody's business (nearly 80 words a minute I thank you).
I can draw fairly decent floor plans.
I am not afraid to try to garden.
I've gotten better at Sudoku puzzles.
I am good at my job (I think. LOL)
At least I love my job.
When people need me, I know I will do my damnedest to be there for them.
I am a good person.

The only thing I'm honestly not good at is losing weight.

So I think the good outweighs the bad (ha ha pun wasn't intended, but now that I see it I'm leaving it for your cheesy humor enjoyment).

So with the juicer I ordered and the diet book I ordered I'm going to focus on being HEALTHY. NOT on losing weight. I'm also going to focus on loving me for who I am and not who I wish I was.

Long Day

I apologize for being so sketchy in updating my blog. I'll try to be better about it. I need to start forcing myself to take time to write anyway and what better way that to start here?

I've been really exhausted lately, on top of finding out some "wonderful" news. So it is time for me to get my butt in gear and start changing of a few things.

But first the not so wonderful news:

July 4, 2008 I sprained my ankle really bad:

Well, said ankle has always bothered me since then, never really looked like it used to. Two weeks ago it just got unbearable. Mom and I were at the mall and I thought I was going to sit down and start crying right there. I managed to tough it out and scheduled a Dr.'s appointment about four days later (when I realized this time it wasn't going to start feeling better on its own).

Apparently, when I sprained my ankle three years ago I tore at least 2 (probably 3 hard to tell without the MRI) ligaments completely apart on the left side of my ankle. Now I'm in an air cast until I can afford to have surgery (only way to fix this). The air cast makes my ankle feel a lot better, but in about a year (or more depending) I will have to have surgery. This in and of itself terrifies me.

On top of all this, I've been sleeping through my alarm, every morning for the past two weeks. I've been getting more sleep, then tried less sleep, tried coffee, vitamins, energy drinks, exercising, etc. nothing is helping. So I'm thinking I need to just do an entire diet overhaul. I've been reading a lot of people really bragging on this book called Crazy Sexy Diet so I'm going to give it a go. Book has been ordered and will be in my possession soon. I will do my darnedest to keep you updated on how this works and if it helps my fatigue (if anyone has hung around this long to read my musings). I suppose if it doesn't then I need to schedule another Dr. visit (blech!)

Wish me luck and all of that! Hope you all are having a better summer than I am thus far.

Dreaming of Homes, Houses, and Such

Well, The Boy and I have been discussing housing options and when we think we'll be able to afford a home together. Also I have currently gotten addicted to watching tiny house videos on youtube.

We have met a conundrum of sorts. Ya know that type of conundrum where you don't know what to do...yeah it sucks.

So he is going to inherit quite a bit of land, and the family already considers it his. They want him to build on it. Building is expensive. So we looked at Modular pricing. Modulars are expensive. Then we debated doublewides. Doublewides that are built to last are expensive. Seriously. EXPENSIVE.

We found out that with the way the current economy is that we could buy a house with land for the same price as a modular or even a double wide. (Let's not even get into building a house). But at the same time, we want to be close to his family since they are aging and stubborn. (As in an 89-year-old grandmother who will bring the firewood in by herself if no one is there to do it, did I mention she is legally blind?) And we want to be close by to be sure nothing happens to them. Or if it does at least someone is close by to help.

But again we go back to pricing.

It will be at least a year before we can actually think about starting the process, but I'm a planner, so yeah, I like going over everything in full before making a decision.

I seriously need some options, good advice, etc. PLEASE!!!

Personality Test Results

Ya know, in case you were curious:

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||| 30% Stability |||||||||||| 43% Orderliness |||||||||||| 50% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Interdependence || 10% Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Materialism |||||||||||||||||| 80% Narcissism |||||||||||| 50% Adventurousness || 10% Work ethic |||||||||||||||||| 80% Conflictseeking |||| 20% Need to dominate |||| 20% Romantic |||||||||||| 50% Avoidant |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 60% Wealth |||| 20% Dependency |||| 20% Change averse |||||||||||||||| 70% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 60% Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Peter pancomplex |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Histrionic |||||| 30% Vanity |||||| 30% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physicalfitness |||| 20% Religious || 10% Paranoia |||||| 30% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 43% Indie |||||||||||||||||||| 90%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

Back From Pigeon Forge

Mom's wedding was beautiful! She looked so very happy. Unfortunately all my pics turned out bad, so until she get's hers back...you will have to just use your imagination. :)

But man oh man what an exhausting trip!

Friday, April 15, 2011 - Day 1
Casey was running late (as always) got a late start! Richie, Casey, and I headed off to get Derek, lunch at McD's, drop off stuff and pick up stuff Casey forgot at her place. Finally, hit the interstate. Made relatively good time until traffic came to a stand still. We made it about 1 mile in 1.5 hours. The cause? A bad motorcycle wreck, by the time we got there the coroner was there and most of the wreck had been cleared, but the motorcycle was still there and what looked like clothing on the road. *shudders*.

Finally get to Pigeon Forge. Takes nearly an hour to get 5 miles to our hotel. Traffic was bad. But not as bad as it was going to get. Not as bad at all.

Walk to dinner since traffic is so bad. Dinner was good. Yumm :-) Rush back to hotel to leave for rehearsal at Cabins. Rehearsal goes well. Mom was a giddy nervous mess tho! Awz.

Make a pit stop at Wal-mart for a few more forgotten necessities and snacks. Go back to hotel to get a good night's rest.

Saturday, April 16, 2011 - Day 2

Get up, rush around, meet Mom, go to her hair & make-up appt. No one is there...

Finally! about 30 min. late (due to speeding ticket) our Stylist arrives. She makes mom look like a star!

Rush to Chapel.

Everything goes off without a hitch, wedding was beautiful, my voice did not crack while reading the poem, and Mom looked so beautiful! She and Dave looked so happy. It was just so very sweet. I kept trying to tear up.

We did photos with the photographer outside, it was really windy, so for mom's sake I really hope the pics turn out well!

That night Casey, Richie, and I decide to go to the Penguin Play House and Ripley's Aquarium. It is only 11 miles away. We leave at 3:00 p.m. and make it there at 5:45 p.m. Traffic is drastically worse. We were informed that there is a huge car show and prom night in Pigeon Forge.

We do the aquarium thing (LOVED IT) and walked down to a little mall and shopped around. Lotsa cool stuff. Then left from Ripley's Parking Garage at 8:15. Our hotel has not moved at this point I promise, it is still only 11 miles away from Ripley's. We make no pit stops. NONE. And we arrive at our hotel at 1:05 AM. ONE OH FIVE. That is NEARLY FIVE HOURS driving ELEVEN MILES.

At this point pure exhaustion has set in.

Sunday, April 17, 2011 - Day 3

Drive home is fairly uneventful (thank goodness). We eat at Krystal Burger before heading out of Pigeon Forge. Richie and Derek wanted Casey and I to try it since we'd never eaten there before. It was awesome.

We also stopped at Great Smokies Flea Market and Books A Million. Found the neatest copy of Lamb by Christopher Moore EVER. So I had to buy it. Richie drove the rest of the way home, thankfully because my leg was still killing me from sitting in traffic for 5 hours the night before.

We arrive home to find our beautiful Apple Tree blown to chunks by lightening. :( But at least everyone is ok, and safely in their homes.

Now it is time for bed.

Feeling Fierce

Today I am feeling particularly sexy, yes I've lost some weight, but I am by no means a skinny minnie. But today I am woman hear me roar!

I am a 40DD, XL shirt, 16 jeans, and honey those shoes had better be 8 1/2 wides! I am curvaceous, vivacious, full of spunk, and ready to kick some ass and take names later. I am a wide hipped diva, with big blue eyes and even bigger thighs. My smile can light up a room, and with my wide feet, you'll know when I've walked in. Every part of me has a curve of its own, my calves are strong, and my heart is too. They both have taken me through dark valleys and sunlit alleys. My voice is robust and for once it will not waver! I will sing of myself today, I will vocalize my attributes and I will shun those who would put me down. I will walk with my head high, and my stride strong, and I will keep going all damn day long.

For the first time, probably in EVER I woke up this morning and I accepted myself. I accepted myself fully, I am beautiful, I am intelligent, and I am WORTH IT!

Dug out an old pic

I actually feel like a goddess, curves and all in this pic.

Thanks to Abby for photoshopping ideas.

Alone is Okay

How I wish I had come across this two years ago. This video and the words with it touch my soul in such a way that it brings me to tears. How something this simple can be so beautifully touching is amazing. I hope that you take this with you in your life, and share it with others. Of all the videos that are viral this one is the most deserving of it in my eyes.



Please pass along, send others to see this video whether here on my page or to their actual youtube account. Either way this is something that I feel everyone should hear just once.

New Hair

Blood Work Back

My bloodwork came back normal. YAY!

But that just rules out one thing as to what is causing my thyroid to be enlarged. My follow up appt. is in 3 weeks, so I'm hoping the Dr. will have some ideas. My mother was diagnosed with Hiroshimoto's thyroid disease (sp?) a few months ago. I might bring this up to the Dr. as most thyroid diseases are genetic and this disease can present with your thyroid hormones showing up normal in blood tests.

School is going good. Lots of homework and my Mock Interview coming up next week. But in the end it is all worth it. :)

Also next Friday I am being inducted into Phi Theta Kappa (international honor society) my overall GPA is 3.88 and my GPA for last semester was 4.0 I'm hoping that my Human Biology class this semester doesn't pull my GPA down too low. It is definitely giving me some trouble. I have a high C in that class now. I"m hoping to bring it up to a B with this next test (Wish me luck!!!)

Off to shower and finish up some more homework, just wanted to update ya'll.

Oh wait! I found a really neat website, slideshare.net I used it for the first time at work yesterday on one of their blogs. So check it out: Bucket Craft

Short Day at Work

Because I had a Dr.'s appt. Just to get some things checked out. It took 30 min to get all the paperwork and such done and get called back so my 1:40 appt. didn't really start until 2:10. But they are really thorough on all the questions and such.

After explaining to the Dr. the original reason I had made the appt. (my fingers, which are now mysteriously better) we got to talking about my family history as far as thyroid problems go and how I'm supposed to be getting mine checked. Well apparently my thyroid is enlarged. They ran some blood tests, thyroid levels, kidney & liver function, etc. Found out I wasn't up to date on my tetanus shot (my arm is soooo sore) and scheduled my follow-up appt. for next month. I should hear back about all my blood tests in a couple of weeks, unless the Dr wants to wait to talk to me in person about the results. (so I'm thinking if I hear nothing I should start to worry). He also wants to get me an appointment to have a thyroid scan done. I'm glad I'm getting to the bottom of the possible thyroid issue, not so glad that I don't have insurance with all this going on. But hopefully we'll find out what is causing all my issues and get to the bottom of them. We also discussed my fingers and toes always being cold and purple and he is fairly certain that I have Raynaud's Phenomenon. Which I have suspected this for quite some time. But it is good to know that I'm not crazy and I'm not a hypochondriac, that there are some underlying issues causing some stuff.

Thyroid issues can cause a lot of things emotionally which could explain the roller coaster that I've been on as of late. I'm hoping to just get something resolved. Wish me luck!